Hey guys! Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, life has been pretty hectic (although when is it not? 😂). Anyway, I don’t have any specific topic planned to discuss this week, so I figured I’d just give y’all a little life update.
I feel like I’m stuck in a windstorm and I can’t seem to get out.
Everything is swarming around me and I’m constantly trying to grasp at the different aspects of life to try to get ahold of them. The problem is it seems I’m only capable of holding on to one thing at a time. My time management and “balancing life” skills have never been the best, but I’ve been really struggling lately. Right now, my social life right now is great; I’m the closest I’ve ever been to my friends and I feel included, which is great. The downside is that I feel like I’m drowning in school work, struggling in the relationship area of my life, and am going through the motions in my walk with Christ. My anxiety is at peak levels because I feel like I just can’t seem to pull my life together. I really crave a balance that I can’t seem to achieve.
What I really want is peace and motivation.
A lot of times when I’m upset I shut down; I hid in my room underneath the covers of my bed while binge-watching Netflix to distract myself from everything I have to deal with. I do this when I’m overwhelmed with school work, when I’m upset with a friend, and even when I feel like my fitness is plummeting. As many of you know, I get overwhelmed pretty easily, so I shut down a lot. I’ve acknowledged that ignoring my problems just makes them worse but I can’t seem to find the motivation to deal with them right away. I feel stuck.
This weekend I went to Alabama with my sorority sisters for our spring retreat.
When I first arrived, I had no desire to be there. I love my sisters but I get really anxious and overwhelmed when I have to be around people for that long. Not only that, but we were in an area that I was unfamiliar with, which added to my anxiety. Friday evening was stressful, but I ended up having a really good time. It was nice being disconnected from social media and hanging out with the girls. I also feel like I got a glimpse of that peace and comfort that I really desire. I now just have to constantly remind myself that I can find peace in God and only Him. People will always fail me and I’m no more perfect than them. I just have to remember that placing my heart in the worldly things is only going to hurt me.
This week was also extremely difficult in regards to the approach of Valentine’s day.
I’ve never really liked this holiday and to be honest I’m usually pretty bitter about it. This year was especially hard because just a few months ago I had thought that I would be spending it was a certain someone. Now, not only did I not have someone in general, but I was missing someone in particular. However, I managed to somewhat get over that bitterness and celebrate with my friends. It opened my eyes to a better understanding that we don’t need to be romantically involved with someone to celebrate our love for one another.
Well, that’s about all I have for this week. I am really excited to share my next post with you guys – I had a lot of fun writing it. Also, I’m working on getting my shop up and running. I apologize that it’s taking so long; as it was said earlier in this post: I’ve had a lot on my plate recently. I really want my shop to be as complete as possible before I launch it.
I hope y’all had a great week!