Godly Romantic Relationships

For as long as I can remember I have wanted a boyfriend.

I fantasized about the “perfect” relationship, like what you see in the movies. I wanted someone to call my own, someone who treated me like a princess. 

Skip ahead to my 18th birthday, and I had not had a real boyfriend yet.  I had never been on a date, I had never held hands with anyone, and I had never kissed anyone. I couldn’t believe that I was going into my freshman year of college never having been in a real relationship. 

At this point, I felt like being single was God’s plan for my life. I started to accept that idea, but then something wild happened: I was asked out on a date.

This boy that I had liked since I was 15 asked me out.

I was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe it. Anyway, we went out on that date. It was fun and it went really well. However, “us” didn’t last that long. Nothing bad happened, it was just that we lived a great distance away from each other, and I didn’t feel like he was everything I was looking for.

I felt hopeless.  This guy that I had been waiting on for over three years finally came around and I ended it. I questioned my standards and whether they were too high. I began to accept my original idea of God’s plan for me.

Around the same time that fling ended, I was on the mission trip that we took to Mexico. Out of all the students on the trip, only one was a guy, Sam. I didn’t know him that well, but he seemed really cool. I wanted to be his friend, so one day I decided to talk to him. From that point, we became super close, as if we’d known each other for ages. 

(I know he hates this picture, but we don’t have that many together so I just had to use it. Sam, if you’re reading this, sorry love ?)

As the week went on, I realized I was starting to like him as more than a friend. I felt kind of silly, considering I had only known him well for about a week. Still, I couldn’t help it.

After the mission trip, Sam and I stayed in contact. He told me he felt the same way that I did about him. We went on our first date the week we got back, and that was the first time I held his hand (or any boy’s hand for that matter). A few weeks later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course, I said yes.

Although we have only been dating for a few months, I’ve learned so many things through this relationship.

First off, being in a romantic relationship with another Christian is so important.

Not only does God call us to do this, but it’s so beneficial. You both have the same overall goals and can hold each other accountable. Sam and I both agree on waiting until marriage not only to have sex but for other intimate things as well. We also are able to have amazing conversations about our beliefs, as well as about the bible. I thank God that he has put someone in my life that will help me grow in my relationship with Him. We are about to start to do a bible study together, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Respect is key.

I understood this before I started dating Sam, but not to the same extent that I do now. Some things that may seem small to one person may be a big deal to the other. Because I hadn’t kissed anyone before, I told him I wanted to wait a little bit until I was ready, and he respected that. Kissing wasn’t a big deal to him, but it is to me. He was willing to be patient with me and respect my feelings.

Similarly, Sam is not a big fan of making our relationship widely public, for he wants it to be between us and not between us and a bunch of noisy people (don’t worry, I got his permission before writing and publishing this post). Making our relationship known to everyone doesn’t bother me a bit, it is actually what I prefer, but I know that respect should go both ways, so I need to respect his preference.

Taking things slow is amazing.

Going slow makes everything exciting. Even the small things like hugging and holding hands fill my stomach with “butterflies.” Waiting a few months before kissing has made those moments so special. We always have something to look forward to, and it’s spectacular. 

Not everything is going to go perfectly.

Because we are human, we argue. Sam and I disagree on certain things, as to be expected. Knowing this, we are able to work it out. Most arguments are over silly things that aren’t that big of a deal in the long run so knowing how to handle them is crucial. 

For example, Sam and I have a long distance relationship. It’s really difficult sometimes, harder than I ever imagined. Sometimes we get into disputes about not talking to each other enough or about things we can’t control. Sure, those reasons may sound silly now, but at the moment they mean a lot. Thankfully, we have been able to recognize that and resolve the issues fairly quickly.

I know I still have so much to learn, and I excited for those moments.

Being with Sam has taught me so much about loving others, but has also taught me so much about God. Our relationship has taught me that I will never truly know what God’s plan is for me until it happens, therefore I need to trust Him to guide me in the right direction. I know that he has put Sam in my life for a reason, and I’m beyond excited to see where He takes us.

(This is by far my favorite picture of us. I love how goofy we can be ❤️)

What the Bible has to say about: romantic relationships

  • 2 Corinthians 6:14

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

God calls us to be equally yoked, meaning we should be in romantic relationships with another believer.  This way, two people are able to keep each other accountable and respect each others beliefs. I’ve always loved this verse because it reminds us that God ultimately created relationships to glorify Him.

  • 1 Corinthians 6:18

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

Especially in today’s society, the temptation to give into sexual immorality is strong. Premarital sex is so normalized, and it’s easy to conform to the ways of the world. God calls us to wait until marriage and to respect our bodies. Personally, I think that sex is a special act that God made specifically for a man and woman joined in marriage, and therefore we should wait. 

Tip and tidbits about romantic relationships*

  • Find someone who believes what you believe. God calls us to do this, and it just makes things so much easier. It makes you more compatible with each other and allows you to keep each other accountable.
  • Keep it appropriate. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times before, but it is so important to stay away from situations that could allow you to slip up. Spend time together in public areas, and try to avoid private, closed off places that could allow for inappropriate things to happen. 
  • Set boundaries. This ties into keeping things appropriate, but it also allows you to feel comfortable. Discussing boundaries early on in the relationship can prevent “I didn’t know” moments from occurring and setting boundaries that will prevent you from even being close to crossing the line is important. This can also help you get to know the other person better and may allow you to learn new things about them.
  • Be patient. Go slow. Things don’t have to go at a million miles a minute. Everything in today’s society happens so fast, but that doesn’t have to be the case in relationships. Be patient with each other. Not only is it more enjoyable, but it can prevent silly arguments.
  • Be understanding of one another. Whether you live four minutes or four hours away from one another, you will be going through different things than your partner. Bad days happen, people get too busy to pick up the phone, and sometimes people need space. All of that is okay and communication and understanding are crucial for a healthy relationship. 

 

Love,

Abigail  Joy

 

*These tips and tidbits are specific to me and my life. Although they may work for the reader, I am not a professional in this area. These are merely suggestions that God has put in my heart and may or may not work for anyone. 

 

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Going Greek

Arriving at Florida State, I had no idea what clubs or groups I was going to join. 

My main priority was finding a youth group of sorts to join so that I could continue to grow in my relationship with Christ throughout college. The first week of classes, I checked out some of the main christian organizations on campus. They were all super nice people and seemed genuinely devoted to Christ, but I feared that I was going to have difficulty feeling a sense of belonging in a large group like that. I still wanted to keep searching because I knew I needed to join a christian group.

The first week of classes the university held an involvement fair that gave students the opportunity to explore what clubs and organizations had to offer. I went with my friend from high school, for we were both looking for places to get involved.

Both of us being christians, we started sifting through the booths of the christian student groups. I never realized how many different options there are. There were women fellowship groups, student fellowship groups, purity groups and so on. Just as we approached the end of the religious booths, we stumbled upon the booth for Delta Alpha Chi, a christian sorority.

Many girls in my high school graduating class participated in rush this fall. For those who aren’t familiar, rush is a week dedicated to finding and hopefully pledging to a sorority. To me, Greek Life was never appealing. It seemed like too much work, and I feared it would lead me away from God. However, Delta Alpha Chi seemed to be dedicated to showing the love of Christ and growing closer to him through fellowship with others.

I knew christian sororities existed, I just didn’t know Florida State had one.

A family friend that I grew up with is in a christian sorority and she loves it, so I decided to write my name and contact information down at the booth. When I got home that night, I gave my mom a call and told her about Delta Alpha Chi. To my surprise, she was actually pretty interested in me checking it out. 

As information night approached, I grew more and more excited. This seemed like a great way to grow with other women of my faith at a smaller and more personal level. My mom shipped me my nicer clothes (because I didn’t think I was going to need dresses and heels when I came up here). In the application, they said that rush was going to be very similar to any other sorority rush week, just more laid back and faith centered.

Information night was probably the best night I had had on campus up until that point. I met so many amazing girls, both sisters and rushies. I feared the process of rushing, but when I got there I realized it was going to be a lot more relaxed and less intimidating.

Rush was on Tuesdays and Thursdays and lasted two weeks.

The second day of rush I was interviewed, which to my surprise didn’t make me nervous at all. It was also testimony night one that night. I loved spending time hearing some of the other girls’ stories and what they have gone through in their faith. That night was also the night I met Allie, who is now my closest friend at FSU. 

The last night of rush was Pref night. In terms of a regular sorority, this is a night when you choose what sorority you like and find out if they like you back. Because we were only rushing for one sorority, it was a little different. It was a black dress event, and it was a time where we got to hear a little bit of God’s word, as well as share a meal with everyone. Later that night, we got our invitations to bid day and we met our mentors. It was so much fun.

 

 

That following Saturday was bid day, where we got to “run home” to Delta Alpha Chi. We did a sort of “scavenger hunt” around the campus, which included games and other fun activities. It was a great day of getting to know the girls in my rush class more. After we ran to our mentors, we recieved our bid day shirts and took pictures.

 

 

Now, as the rush class of Alpha Alpha, we are now pledges.

Since rush week, I’ve made so many connections with these girls, and have made friends who I know care about me and are willing to support me. Not only are these people in my life to help me grow spiritually, but they are also there for friendship. We often go out and get dinner, hang out during the week, and attend bible studies together. If I ever need a ride to an event, or just in general, I know the girls have my back. I am so excited to continue to grow with them, both relationally and spiritually. I know God has placed me in this sorority, and I trust He will lead me to where he wants me to be.   

So whether it’s getting involved in a campus ministry, or joining a christian sorority, you should always try to find a group to join in college that helps you strengthen your faith. You may think that Greek life isn’t the way for you, but you never know. It may be the place you call home.

What the bible has to say about: fellowship with others

  • Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

I love these verse because one of the primary ways Jesus wants to connect with us is through relationship with others. “Two are better than one,” it says, for when we are with others in our walk we can provide encouragement and support. 

  • Matthew 18:20

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

Once again, God is calling us to be in fellowship with others. In a class I attended before I went to college, they referenced this verse and explained that while reading the word alone and praying by yourself is good, God is among those worshiping together in His name. 

Tip and tidbits about fellowship in His name*

  • Get involved in a small group. Many christians fall into the trap of believing they can walk in their faith on their own. It is sometimes presumed that as long as one goes to church and prays that that is enough. God calls us to be with others, it’s not just merely a suggestion. Being in a small, faith-based group provides you with support, as well as other perspectives about what the Word means and how it can be applied to our lives.
  • Get involved within your church. Fellowship is not only found in small bible studies, but also by serving with others. I have met so many great people through serving in my church that are always there to support me, and in return, I am there to support them.

 

Love,

Abigail Joy

 

*These tips and tidbits are specific to me and my life. Although they may work for the reader, I am not a professional in this area. These are merely suggestions that God has put in my heart, and may or may not work for anyone. 

 

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Accountability without Judgment

I follow a Christian blog called Girl Defined, and they recently uploaded a blog post about overcoming same-sex attraction (if you get a chance, you should go check it out; it’s amazing). Same-sex attraction (SSA) is a really controversial topic, even among Christians. In their post, they used scripture to support that SSA is a temptation of this world, and if you give in it is a sin.

Of course, as one might expect, their audience blew up the comment section. Sure, there were a lot of comments saying that SSA isn’t wrong and that it’s okay to act upon those feelings. I was expecting those kind of comments. What amazed me the most, however, was how many people accused the authors of judging those who experience SSA.

In the blog post, the authors said that SSA was like anything else: a temptation that many people struggle with. No where in the post did they strike down those who experience SSA. They just addressed that it was something that God could help anyone overcome. They didn’t say that if you experienced these temptations that you were a bad person or worse than everyone else.

Judging others isn’t the same thing as informing them.

You are able to inform someone about there sins, in a compassionate and loving way, without judging them. We all sin, but we also should hold our brothers and sisters accountable for our actions. Just because you let someone know in a Christ-like way that what they are doing is a sin doesn’t mean you are judging that person.

For example, if I am at the market with a group of friends and I see one of my friends slip something they didn’t pay for in there pocket, it would be totally acceptable for me to tell my friend kindly that stealing is wrong. Me telling them this doesn’t mean I think poorly or any differently of my friend, I just was informing them that what they were doing was wrong. If I made a huge scene, called them an awful person, etc., then that would be judging. Kindly informing someone about their wrongdoing is not.

Our society is so quick to judge.

I do it all the time. Most of the time when we judge, its almost unconsciously. Its second nature. I understand how people could mistake pointing out peoples wrongs as judging, because thats a form of action that we are used to. However, we should be careful, because sometimes our accusations can be wrong and hurtful. 

What the bible has to say about: judging others and keeping our peers accountable

  • Matthew 7: 1-5

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

These verses clearly tell us that we are in no place to judge. It uses the speck and plank metaphor to show that we are all sinners, and until we are free of that sin, we should not judge our peers. God, who is sinless, is therefore the only one who can rightfully judge us.

  • Galatians 6:1

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

Here, we are told to keep each other accountable by telling one another kindly when one is in the wrong. But, we are also reminded that even though we are spiritual, we will be tempted as well.

Tip and tidbits about prevention from judging others*

  • Always consider the situation. What is going on? Why do you feel judgement towards the person? Remember that we are all human, therefore we all sin.
  • Even if we don’t agree with someone, doesn’t mean we need to thrust judgment upon them. We are all, at some point or another, going to disagree with someone. That doesn’t mean that we need to think higher of ourselves, or even that they are in the wrong. You don’t have to agree, but we are called as Christians to love one another, even with our differences. 

 

Love,

Abigail Joy

 

*These tips and tidbits are specific to me and my life. Although they may work for the reader, I am not a professional in this area. These are merely suggestions that may or may not work for anyone. 

 

 

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Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Compliments

This past week I was shadowing a neuropsychologist at a children’s hospital in my area. When I met her, we talked for a little while, and halfway through our conversation she looked at me and said “I really like your pants. I can never find pants that fit me right, so I usually just wear skirts to work.”

I was at worship band practice this last Thursday, and I was wearing my knockoff berkenstocks. While a couple of students and I were waiting for someone to let us into the building, one of the girls, who has a really good sense of style, looked down at my feet and said, “Abby, I really like your shoes.” 

These are just a few instances that I can remember off the top of my head, but there have been many other times where someone’s compliments that they have given me have made my day better. Those little comments that you might think have little impact on someone could turn their day around. In both of those cases above, those simple compliments made me feel more confident for the rest of the day.

I know I shouldn’t need validation to have confidence.

I have been working on feeling confident in Jesus and what He has made me to be. But I still do feel great when someone compliments me, and I know others do too. I see a lot of talk on social media about how when people receive compliments, they don’t know how to respond. This has me thinking that the reason we don’t know how to act when given a compliment is because we aren’t used to being built up by our peers.

It feels like in today’s society its all about competition. Who’s the best dressed, who has the best grades, who’s the strongest in their faith, etc. Girls specifically would rather rip their peers to shreds before they ever complimented them. Honestly, thats our culture, and its sad.

But imagine if we could change that. All it takes is doing something as simple as telling someone that they are doing great today, or that you like their outfit. Its really not that hard.

Sometimes, I spend more time thinking about whether I should compliment someone than I do actually giving out compliments.

I’ll stand there and think to myself “Wow, I just love that person’s hair. Do I tell them? Will they think I’m weird if I say that to them?” A lot of times, I won’t even be able to muster up the courage to tell them, yet I know that if I did, I could help build someone up in a society where all we do is tear others down.

It really doesn’t take much to compliment someone, even when its just passing them by. All it takes is a few words strung together in such a way to make someone feel good about themselves and what they are doing. I don’t know why I don’t do it more often, because I know the impact it can have on someone. My challenge to you is that if you like something about a person, tell them. It won’t hurt anyone, rather it may help patch someone’s confidence back together. And even if you receive just a simple smile in return, you’re spreading love and joy in a world that really needs it. 

What the bible has to say about: building each other up

  • 1 Thessalonians 5:1

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

When we compliment one another, we are obeying God’s commandment to encourage one another. I love this verse because although its simple, it tells us one way we as Christians are able to stand out from the rest of the world. We can use encouragement as a way to show God’s love that He has for them, as well as us. 

  • Ephesians 4:29

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

In God’s word it says that we should not talk poorly of others, yet gossip and bullying are common behaviors in our culture. As Christians, we should work to refrain from such things.

Tip and tidbits about complimenting others*

  • Don’t be afraid. Don’t let the fear of being judged by others stop you from complimenting someone. You shouldn’t be afraid to say something nice to someone. It won’t do any harm.
  • Keep it simple. Compliments don’t have to be complex. They could be something as simple as “Your hair looks really nice today.” If it comes from the heart and builds them up, it doesn’t matter what you say. 

 

Love,

Abigail Joy

 

* These tips and tidbits are specific to me and my life. Although they may work for the reader, I am not a professional in this area. These are merely suggestions that may or may not work for anyone. 

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Jesus in Mexico

At the end of my senior year of high school, their was talk about mission trips at my church. The high school wing was doing their yearly mission trip to Mexico, and my old high school group leader’s wife was leading it. Chris, my old high school leader I mentioned previously, was going on the trip as well, and was working to recruit students to go. 

I hadn’t been on a mission trip since the summer before my freshman year. I honestly wasn’t that interested, especially because none of my good friends were going. Chris, however, kept pressing me to consider. Finally, one day I told him I would sign up, not really thinking much about my response. 

I told my dad about the mission trip, and he told me I should go. I said okay, and didn’t really think much else about it. Things started to get real, however, when it was the deadline to sign up for the trip. I signed up the day sign-ups closed; I had no idea what I was getting myself into, or what to expect.

I missed the first two trip meetings due to being out of town, so my first meeting I felt out of place. Everyone going knew almost everyone else, either from the meetings or from being friends previously. I knew three people, and none of them extremely well.

I only went to three of the seven meetings before the trip, so when it came time to fly out to Mexico, I was scared. I still wasn’t that close to anyone on the team, and I didn’t know anything about what we were doing on this trip. I was so nervous that I barely slept the night before.

We met at the church at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday to drive to the airport.

I hate early mornings. I was running on about three hours of sleep, and I was terrified for I was stepping into the unknown. I also forgot to mention, I had never been out on the country before. 

I barely spoke on the bus ride to the airport. Sitting alone, I watched everyone talk to their friends. I already wanted to go home.

My experience began to changed, however, when we got to the airport. I started conversations with some of my teammates, and we got to know each other a little better (not to mention I was a bit more awake at that point).

I slept the entire first flight to Texas, which I was okay with considering I was the only team member sitting with strangers. Our connecting flight from Texas to Mexico wasn’t for another three or so hours after we landed, so we ate Panda Express and played card games. It was fun.

When we arrived in Mexico, all of my worries piled up. I was in a foreign country, away from home, with people I didn’t know very well, and I didn’t speak the language. I was completely out of my comfort zone. 

When we landed, we were picked up from the airport by a few people from Christian Missionary Fellowship International (CMF). We were serving along side of them for the time we were there. We went and had tacos, and I’m going to let you know now: you haven’t really had tacos until you’ve had authentic tacos. I’m not talking Taco Bell, that doesn’t compare to the tacos I had in Mexico.

They drove us to the camp, where we were stayed until Wednesday.

It was very different compared to camps in the U.S. The buildings didn’t have air conditioning, the only common building was the dinning hall, and the campers served the food to other campers. We slept on cots in a big room, so there was little personal space. What I didn’t realize until a few days later that these conditions were luxurious for the campers. A lot of them come from homes that house their family and extended family, so having their own bed and a roof over their head was something they didn’t experience on a regular basis.

The first day felt so long. After we got settled, we were introduced and split into groups. I was placed in the orange group, as well as were two other people from my church. We learned their chicken dance, and we played so icebreaker games. Then, we had a campfire, which seemed to last forever. We were all tired, but we had to stay out until 11:30 p.m. that night.

The next day was not the best.

I discovered I had altitude sickness, and I was still struggling to connect to the campers. The day consisted of meals, sports, lessons, games, and swimming. We had absolutely no down time, to which was hard to adjust.

Side note: swimming was HUGE for the campers. Unlike in the States, most of these kids didn’t have access to a pool at home, and some of them didn’t even know how to swim because they never got the chance to learn

Throughout the day, my attitude started to change. I started forming relationships with others, even though it took a while to have a conversation with some people because we didn’t speak the same language. One of the most comforting things was that the campers came up to us, and genuinely wanted to talk to us. 

The rest of the week went by very quickly.

On Wednesday, we left the camp to go to the church. From Wednesday night on, we stayed in a hotel, which was close to the church. By then I had started to become close friends with some of the campers, as well as the people from our church. While we were at the church, we continued the theme of the camp, as well as worked on serving the community. I actually wanted to be there, and as the end of the week approached, I didn’t want to leave. 

This trip changed my life. 

I wasn’t expecting it to have such an impact on me. I entered Mexico scared about the unknown, which hardened my heart. However, once I asked God to change my outlook on the trip, there was a change in me. I feel like I learned more on that trip than I taught others. I realized that we weren’t there to help the campers, but we were there to serve along side them and encourage one other to grow in our faith. 

One thing I loved about their culture was their sense of community. Their friendships and relationships were completely different from what occurs in the U.S. They do life together. For a lot of them, family and friends are all they have. I want to be able to bring that sense of relationship to my community, both at home and at school.

The trip also made me realize that I need to stop worrying about what other people think of me. I often exclude myself from others because I’m afraid if I approach them, that they won’t accept me. However, in Mexico, so many of the campers approached me and were interested to get to know who I am, even though we have so many differences. I learned that I shouldn’t care what other people think, because most of the time, they could use a friend as well.

I will never forget this trip. I made so many close friends, some that live in a different country than me. I learned so much about God and his plan for me in the little time we were there. I’m so glad I got to go, and I’m thankful for all the prayers and support. 

What the bible has to say about: serving others

  • Romans 12:1

“Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.” 

I believe this verse is calling us to step out of our comfort zone and fully commit to serving God. Sometimes, where He calls you is scary. I was terrified when I first got to Mexico. But God can use you in mysterious and wonderful ways if you let Him, you just have to answer to His call.

Tip and tidbits about mission trips

  • Humble yourself. Don’t go in with the mindset that you are there to help them. You aren’t there to make their lives better. You are there to serve along side of the people and to share the love of Jesus.
  • Allow yourself to learn from those who live where you are serving. I’ve learned after several mission trips that the locals may have a bigger impact on you than you have on them. That’s okay. Allow yourself to grow while you are on these trips.
  • If you are serving with the materially poor, don’t come with the mindset that giving them gifts will make there lives better. Before we went on the trip, we read “Helping Without Hurting: In Short-Term Missions,” which is an excellent book that talks about how to serve without making a negative impact. In the book, the authors touched a lot on how sometimes giving the materially poor “things” can make them feel degraded and like they cannot provide for them and their families. I highly recommend reading the book if you can. 
  • If there is a language barrier, don’t worry. Throughout the week, I didn’t really learn more Spanish than I already knew, however by the end of the week, I was able to communicate with the campers better than ever. I learned that actions really do speak louder than words. Even if you don’t have real conversations with people, you can still get to know them through activities such as sports and games. Don’t let language discourage you, in the end you will find a way to create relationships. (p.s. It does, however, encourage them if you try to learn and speak their language ?) 

 

Love,

Abigail Joy

 

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My CIY Experience

Usually, when you grow up in the church, you wind up going to camp. This was true for me. When I was 6, I packed up my things and headed over to a little christian camp in Lake Whales. This camp, little did I know, was going to be like a second home for the next 12+ years. The summer before sixth grade, I was introduced to a christian organization known as Christ in Youth, or CIY. From then on, I went to an event that they put on every summer. But once I got into high school, my CIY experiences took a turn. 

 

 

 

When I entered high school, I came with a lot of baggage that I did not deal with in middle school. 

Severe depression and anxiety are difficult things to deal with, especially on a big church trip where I had little close friends. Growing up in a church, one might think that I would have loads of friends, but the truth is most of my friends in elementary and middle school had either left the church or become distant. 

Before I go into more detail, I want to set one thing straight: I am not trying to get you who are reading this to pity me. That is not my goal. My goal is simply to get what I was feeling across to you.

Getting back to what I was talking about before, I felt lonely in a place that I once called my safe space. This mentality made enjoying CIY difficult. Every year, I would go to another event, feeling more depressed and anxious than the year before. To be transparent, their were years that I considered ending my life on those trips because my loneliness felt magnified. Watching all these people moving closer to God and having friends their to support them made me feel awful.

Each summer, I had a “God moment.” A “burst into tears, feeling moved and changed by the Holy Spirit” moment. Truthfully, however, their was always a feeling of doubt that came with it. I recommitted my life to Christ every year, swearing off the same thing every time. But, each year, I came back to my pity parties, and continued to drift from God.

This past November, my plan was to not go to CIY.

I wanted to work at the camp in Lake Whales, which wouldn’t allow me to attend the conference. It didn’t bother me that much, considering I had felt like I had no one left that I really knew in my youth group, and I had already gone to Move for four years.

God apparently had other plans.  

I wasn’t able to apply for the job because I was going to be in New York for two weeks on family vacation and in Tallahassee for orientation for a week. That would have required me to take 3 weeks off, which is a third of the summer. I ended up signing up for my fifth year of CIY Move.

 

 

Working up to the trip, I was excited. Obviously if you’re reading this, you know that God has called me to sharing my story through a blog. This has helped me develop a more genuine relationship with Jesus, and has allowed me to trust God with my mental health issues. Therefore, I went into the trip with a completely different mindset than I have in the past.

Those who have been walking with the Lord have been told time and time again this one thing: when you are in a good place in your relationship with God, Satan is going to come in and try to wreck it with all the force he has. This stood to be true the minute the trip started. 

We arrived at the church to get on the buses 20 minutes late. 

My dad didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. Usually we stood around and waited to get on the buses. However, when we got there, everyone had already picked their seat. Their were no seats on the bus my roommate was on, and no seats near my other best friend. I ended up sitting with my brother.

This caused me to go into full pity-party mode. I was mad at my dad for getting us there so late, even though he had apologized. I kept telling myself that I was the only one who didn’t get on the bus that I wanted with the people I wanted to be with. On top of all that, they told us that we couldn’t switch buses. I was furious.

Then I got a call from my dad. He apologized (again) and told me that if I continued with this mindset, it could ruin the entire trip. He told me that God may have put me on the bus for a reason, whether it was to meet someone new, or spend more time with my brother. 

My experience changed as soon as my heart did.

My brother and I spent more time together. I talked (or texted if you will) a friend from middle school who I had drifted from. Things were going well. 

Then we stopped for dinner, and things went wrong again. I have a gluten allergy, and that’s all that dinner was. Because of this, I couldn’t eat anything but chips, so that’s what I did. I talked to a leader and she said that my allergy wasn’t listened on my form (even though I had wrote it down) and that they would try and get me food when we got to our destination.

We arrived late at the college campus where we were staying for the next week and I found my roommate. We had lucked out of community bathrooms this year (yay!) and we got the suite mates we wanted. I still, however, had no food. They were giving students pizza (which I also cannot eat). I ended up with some rice cakes and a protein bar; the dinner of champions. 

The next morning we went white water rafting. It was awesome, the best rafting experience I’ve ever had. Then things took a bad turn. I started to feel sick. I was nauseous and had a bad stomach ache. When we got back to the campus, I threw up what I had eaten that day. I missed both sessions and was in so much pain. 

The first part of my trip was what some people might call a disaster. In past years, it would have been over for me. My CIY experience would be ruined. However, thanks to my different mindset, I didn’t get swallowed in self pity and I didn’t fall into a depressed state. 

I struggled with feeling like I had friends, like I did every other year.

What was different was that I was able to give that anxiety and depression to God. I felt a peace that I had never felt before on a CIY trip. When I had my “God moment,” it wasn’t an emotional show (I bet you that a lot of people didn’t even know I had one). I was able to give my worries to God, but this time, my commitment didn’t follow doubt. It was different because I was willing to change. I was filled with joy provided by God, and I felt whole for the first time ever. 

Because of this life changing moment, I was able to make the week about other people. I watched so many of my peers come to Christ, which was the most emotional part of my experience. My best guy friend on the trip made a decision to change his life for the better, as well as to get involved in leadership positions in student ministry now that he has graduated, and I am beyond proud of him. I made friends, as well as strengthened my current relationships. When I had those feelings of loneliness and doubt, I immediately gave them to God. I experienced so much joy and belonging in the same circumstances that I have faced the previous four summers.

All it took was a change in heart to get everything out of my CIY Move experience. 

 

 

What the bible has to say about: the state of your heart

  • Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (NIV)

I love this verse because I have always struggled to trust God and His plans for me. But it clearly says in the bible that if we trust Him and not ourselves that He will lead us in to the best path. But notice how it says the heart. Not the mind, but the heart. The state of your heart is important in following and trusting in God’s perfect plan.

  • John 14:27

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (NIV)

I was filled with peace this past week at CIY because I accepted it. It was peace from God and not the world. In this verse, Jesus is comforting His disciples. He tells them that the world will give a false sense of peace and comfort in forms of worry and fear. God gives us true peace. He has the power to settle our hearts if we let Him.

Tip and tidbits about going on church trips*

  • Be engaged. Fully allow yourself to absorb all that is happening around you, whether it be a sermon or spending time with friends.
  • Don’t wait for people to approach you. If your’e new at a church or feel like you don’t have many close friends, insert yourself in situations to create those relationships. This creates a better chance of getting to know others. And who knows, someone could be waiting for a new friend to approach them.
  • Don’t make it all about you. Most students go on church trips for the same reason: to grow in their relationship with Jesus. Allow others to experience that and try to support them in the process.
  • Have fun and step out of your comfort zone. Participate in things that will stretch you. Step out of your comfort zone and do not worry what other people think of you.

 

Love,

Abigail Joy

 

*These tips and tidbits are specific to me and my life. Although they may work for the reader, I am not a professional in this area. These are merely suggestions that may or may not work for anyone. 

 

 

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Tips for Starting College

Starting college can be super scary.

In the fall of 2018, I will be attending my first classes at a new school in a new city that is over four hours away from home. I’m going to be transparent here; I’m really nervous. I don’t know the campus and its layout very well. I’m still without an official roommate (although I’m working on that). I don’t have a place to live yet, and I don’t have a decided major.

 

 

Sure, this sounds like a big mess. It sounds like I’m going in blind. However, I can promise you, I’m not. 

Just this past Tuesday, my parents and I drove up to my new school for orientation. We sat through hours of (what seemed like endless) meetings with both staff and students from the university. We received TONS of information. Going into orientation, I felt completely lost. I barely knew anyone there, and I had know clue what I was doing. Now that orientation is over, I feel more confident than ever. Here’s a few tips that I learned from orientation that helped ease my nerves, and could do the same for you.

Introduce Yourself!

If your like me, talking to new people can be difficult. I’m always nervous about saying the wrong thing, or coming off as weird. But, what I learned last week proved me wrong. So many other people are nervous to introduce themselves, so getting over that fear and stepping up to talk to some could help ease the other persons nerves as well!

 

 

At orientation I only knew one girl out of all the students there, and we weren’t even in the same small group. Clicks were already forming in the small group I was a part of, and I was an outsider. No one came up and introduced themselves to me, and honestly it made me feel awful. 

When we were walking to our meeting place as a group, I noticed a girl walking by herself. She was in the same position that I was in: no one had introduced themselves to her. When I recognized this, I felt compelled to talk to her. I argued with myself (literally back and fourth in my head) about introducing myself to her. After about five minutes of doing so, I realized I was being ridiculous. I was never going to make friends if I constantly talked myself out of meeting new people. So, stepping out of my comfort zone, I turned to her and said, “Hey, I figured I’d introduce myself. I’m Abby.”

She chuckled to herself, but I could see that she felt relieved, as did I.  

From then on, we talked some more. She was one of the only people I really got to know that week, but taking baby steps are okay. No one can run unless they learn how to walk first.

At orientation, I also met my (hopefully) future roommate. My parents have friends who’s daughter is attending the university as a freshman this year. I was able to meet her, as well as her friend. Her friend doesn’t have a roommate, so we decided it would be fun to room together. The best part is, they are both Christians, so we can all get plugged into christian organizations together.

Meet with your advisor!!!

Meeting with an advisor was probably my favorite thing that I did at orientation. Because I am undecided in my major, it helped me pick classes that allow me to explore my areas of interest, while taking classes that are necessary for graduation. On top of all that, the advisor and councilor that I met with were super nice and they really want students to succeed in their education. This meeting eased my nerves about classes and being on track to graduate, so now I feel more prepared to begin school.

Get Involved!!

There are so many different opportunities to get involved in various clubs and sports in college. From playing football, to joining the marching band, there is something for everyone. Most employers look for involvement in these groups when considering people for a job. Not only that, but these clubs are a chance to take a break from all the studying, and provide an opportunity to meet new people!

 

 

Most campuses (if not all) have christian organizations available to join. These groups are especially important in college and can help you keep close to God while away from home. They can also point you to churches that you can attend while in college. 

Attend school events!

Similar to getting involved in clubs and sports, attending school events in college is important. It can familiarize students with their schools traditions, customs and values. Going to major sports events, such as football or baseball games, allow students to root on their peers. At my school, they have various artists, like singers and comedians, that come and perform for students for free!

Many colleges put together big events for homecoming or holidays for students to attend. For example, the Wednesday before classes start, my school is hosting a huge barbecue for the students to kick off the new school year, so I will be moving in early so that I can attend the event.

 Going to these events can introduce you to your fellow classmates, as well as allow you to enjoy your college experience to the fullest. 

Figure out where your classes are in advance!!

If your school (or potential school) is like mine, its huge. All the buildings look the same, and there are so many of them. Me, being directionally challenged, has already gotten lost on campus a few times before. I spent about 30 minutes wandering around, trying to make it to my destination. 

Because of this, if possible, walk to your classes a few times before you have to attend them so you don’t get lost on your first day. Trust me, it can save you from a ton of worrying (and walking). 

Study!!

As you may have heard, college is a lot different than high school. Most learning is done outside of the classroom. Classes meet less frequently, and only last for a semester. This means that cramming for an exam the night before isn’t going to cut it. Not only because you learn the bare minimum, but the test could potentially be one of only three or four grades for that class.Most professors don’t collect and grade homework, which eliminates a big chunk of the high school grade book. This being so, if the test grade that you get is an F, the overall grade may be too. Long gone are the days of cramming and getting A’s on assignments and tests, my friends.

 

ThoughtCatalog / Pixabay

 

If you’re looking for employment, get a job at your school!

Getting a job in college can be stressful and all near impossible. Conflicts such as crazy hours and strict bosses, just to name a few, can change a good work experience into a bad one. However, getting a job at your school can be ten times more beneficial. Firstly, they have SUPER flexible hours that they can fit in with your class schedule. Secondly, they are always looking to hire students, and it’s okay if you have little or no previous job experience. Also, location is convenient because you will be working on campus. Lastly, you’ll get to meet other students on the job (which if you haven’t caught on is super important!), both coworkers and costumers!

Step out of your comfort zone!!!

College is a time for new experiences. Join that club you wanted to join in high school. Ask another student for directions if you get lost. Talk to that girl you want to be friends with. Invite that guy you know to church. There are so many new opportunities awaiting you at your school. Don’t miss them!

 

I hope these tips were helpful and will help you in getting ready for your first day of college, either now or in the future. They surely have helped me with my anxiety, and now that it is out of the way, all I feel is excitement for the fall!

 

Love,

Abigail Joy

 

 

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The Dangers of Social Media

  

Pixaline 

 

Whether I travel to a different state, experience some life-changing event, or hangout somewhere cool with a group of friends, I always feel the need to take a picture of what I’m doing for social media. Always. From quickly snapping a photo for snapchat, to posing for a shot that may be worthy enough to make my Instagram feed, I cannot go without documenting the event. For some reason feel the need to make my life look exciting and, for lack of a better term, perfect. 

I feel sometimes that my photos on Instagram have to look as close to professional as possible, and in them I have to look as good as possible. I need to edit them with tools such as VSCO, but they can’t look too touched up. Then I have to come up with a cute or clever caption that isn’t too unoriginal or tacky. It MUST go with my overall feed on Instagram, or it will be removed from the post all together.

Another worry of mine is whether or not I post too much. Just a few minutes ago, I was creating an Instagram post and thought to myself, “I’ve already posted about my trip in New York five times, am I posting too much? Am I being annoying?” I even looked up a popular photography page and counted how many times they posted about their most recent trip before publishing my post.

 

 

Have a headache yet? These extensive steps are all a part of my anxiety and the little voice inside my head whispering, “Abby, you have to look like you’ve got it all together. You can’t let people know that you have quirks, hang ups, and bad days.” Sometimes, these posts can be the most stressful part of my day. 

Social media can be harmless in moderation, but obsessive habits like these show that too much of it can do a lot of damage.Don’t get me wrong, editing your photos, coming up with creative captions, and showing people the amazing things that you’ve experienced isn’t a bad thing if you have the right mindset. However, if you are constantly worrying about the amount of likes you receive, or how people may perceive you, there becomes a problem.

My main issue is rooted in my endless insecurities. To narrow it down, it’s all about comparison. I spend countless hours scrolling through my feed, looking at girls who seem to have it all figured out. They’ve cute hair, nice clothes, and fit and slim figures (and I could go on). They keep up with these beautiful layouts and feeds on their platforms. All the pictures fit into a certain color scheme or tone. They always seem to be enjoying themselves and the lavishing, perfect life they seem to lead. But I never stop and remind myself that these people are all human. As much as their Instagram feed or snapchat stories lead me to believe, the aren’t perfect. Not that I should judge others and think of their weaknesses, but why do I have to hold such high standards for myself? Everyone has bad days, so why can’t I?

The truth of the matter is that no one’s life is perfect, no matter what they post of social media. No matter how finely tuned their pictures are, they go through similar struggles to everyone else. Whether or not I have a desirable figure, a breathtaking Instagram layout, or an exciting life, it doesn’t make me any less of a child of God. That’s a constant reminder that I need to give myself. 

I also need to remember that we are all beautiful in our own way, and that being different from others is okay. From a young age, I was taught that God made us all special, each of us being unique to one other, and that that’s the way He intended us to be. As I got older and more self conscious of my appearance to others, it was easy to forget that. At one point, I let that truth fully slip from my fingers, and let depression take its place. Part of my recovery is believing in that statement again.

Although social media isn’t the only area in which I struggle with image, it’s definitely at the top of the list. That little voice inside my head listing off all those lies, that’s the devil, and until I let God in to fully take control in that area, those lies will be broadcasted to me every day. So knowing this, I need to spend less time on worrying about how perfect the world thinks I am, and spending more time thanking God for the girl He created me to be.

 

What the bible has to say about: comparison to others

  • Galatians 1:10

“For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.” (HCSB)

In this verse, Paul is writing to the church of Galatia. He informs them that they have a choice, to live to please the world, or to serve God. He makes it clear that we cannot do both. We, as followers of Christ, need to fully surrender our life to Him, and to do so we cannot worry about how we appear to others.

  • 1 Samuel 16:7

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the Lord sees, for man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.”

Before I really opened my heart to God and what He has to say to me, I usually avoided most of the old testament. I felt like I couldn’t learn anything in them that I could apply to my life, because a lot of the text is stories about people and events before Jesus. What I didn’t realize was that if I ask God to show me what He wants me to hear, than I can learn from any part of the bible.

The verse above is very meaningful to me. Although it is from the old testament, and was directly spoken to Samuel, it can be applied to our lives forever. God told Samuel that although people judge appearance and what is seen on the surface, He judges the heart. We often spend too much time worrying about our outward appearance. But if we want to be faithful and worship God with every fiber of our being, we should be working on mending our hearts.

 

Tips and tidbits about social media*

  • Limit social media usage to help prevent comparison society’s standard of “perfect”
  • Spend the extra time that would be spent on social media thanking God for what He has given.  Spend time basking in the glory of His creation instead (spending time with family/friends, going outside, etc.) 
  • Reminding yourself that “my value is not defined by someone else’s inability to see my worth”

 

Love, 

Abigail Joy

 

*These tips and tidbits are specific to me and my life. Although they may work for the reader, I am not a professional in this area. These are merely suggestions that may or may not work for anyone. 

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